How to Deal with stubborn Kids

 

My last blog was about how to handle kids. In this blog I will especially deals with problems of Stubborn kids and best parenting methods for the tactfully overcome them. Most of people some or other times comes across some stubborn kids, be it their own kids, or relative or even some time stranger kid while shopping or in restaurants or somewhere. So, what is exactly meaning of stubborn. 

 

   As per   Google dictionary 

"Having or showing dogged determination not to change one's attitude or position on something, especially in spite of good arguments or reasons to do so."

 

 

As per Merriam Webster "

 

1.    unreasonably or perversely unyielding : MULISH

2.     justifiably unyielding : RESOLUTE

Actually, it is very much inaccurate and unfair to call only kids as Stubborn. Stubborn person can be any person depending upon the circumstance. Normally this tendency can be seen so many times with grown up person also.

      My second point is not always strong willed or resolute person or kids’ moments can be termed as Stubbornness. 

Strong willed kids can become great leaders/ achieve greater heights in their life. There is very thin line between resolute and Stubborn. As Resolute is reasonably/ justified unyielding but Stubborn is unreasonably/ unjustifiable unyielding. So, in nut shell stubborn means unreasonable and unyielding or unyielding without any reason. 

        Kids are very sensitive and delicate; we need to handle them carefully. We have to treat children respectfully, so that they respect their seniors, fellows and juniors with respect. They will become better humans. I remember and most of you will agree that when we were kids so many times, we got physical punishments even when we were resolute in our demands. Of course, so many times we were stubborn also 😊. Times changed so we all have to change our methods of treating our kid’s stubbornness. Many of you will agree or not agree, but give it a try next time you have to deal with stubborn kid and then decides. Like our human life these solutions/advices are also dynamic and you can improve or suggest new ways to tackle our stubborn kids in many other ways. So, not going in too much blah, blah… I come to our main points. Please read carefully and give it a try only if you are convinced for the same to give a try.

1. Determine whether situation is because of child resolute nature of stubbornness.

Each situation demands different methods of tackling the situation. Same child can be resolute in one situation while stubborn in other. So, in order to know what exactly the situation is, keep your calm and composure while trying to know nature of his/her behavior. Behave friendly like nothing happened, and you are genuinely concerned with their problem. Ask them politely the cause behind their demand/problem. And if demand or problem looks genuine be on their side and solve it to their satisfaction so that next time when you have to deny their demand it seems fair to them.

     2. See/ observe their behavior.

Even kids’ behavior changes with resolute or stubborn nature of demand. Under no circumstances bad behavior like lying on floor or yelling needs to promoted by agreeing to their demand because of prestige or shame issue. Because once you yield to their tantrums, they will capture the moments and your weakness and utilizes it for their all demands. If kid is resolute, he is not yelling but calm and stands by his conviction, we need to seriously give an ear to listen to him/her and their idea/problem.

Stubborn nature also brings uncontrolled anger along with it. So if kid showing anger and unyielding position beware of his stubbornness nature of problem.

     3.Be flexible and firm together.

Be flexible to listen to their side of story and at same time be firm also. In case of genuine issue solve it by flexibility to an extant but in case of stubborn nature problem be resolute and firm on your stand. Don’t promote their stubbornness by fulfilling all their demands out of your love to them. Love kids unconditionally, but at same time refrain from fulfilling all their demands. Fulfill demands which are justified.

 

     4.Be on same page/ break barriers.

Behave like Romans when in Rome. Same applies for kids. Become kids when you are with them. That doesn’t mean that you close eyes to dangers or their behaviors. It simply means, you act like them and acts like their friends. They should be confident with you and able to share their problems or ideas whatever they want to. Also don’t summarily dismiss or reject their opinion/idea/problem. First listen carefully. Even if you are busy please listen to kids carefully and attentively and then give them suggestion while keeping their idea at center. Praise them for their idea and then tactfully insert your suggestions while using phrases such as “your idea is superb; I think if you incorporate this suggestion it will be much better.” Justify your suggestion. Spend time with them even when they watch their fav cartoon. Remember! once they trust you they listen to your suggestion more attentively and follow your instructions.

 

     5.Request but don’t force.

 

Dealing with stubborn kids become more challenging when you force them to do some work. Be polite and request them for their help and then slowly put your point. Don’t force kids to do something against their will. Either they will do it not properly or at worse make a mess. Maybe you can utilize small challenging role. Once kids and especially an resolute stubborn kid gets some challenge they give more than their 100% to complete and win the challenge. Remember! By request and love you can win over stubborn much more easily than by forcing them. By forcing kids they may listen to you but that will be superficial.

 

     6.Use Win-Win technique.

 

Sometime when kids are stubborn and don’t listen to anything but adamant for their demands. They make it prestige issue for them to get their demand fulfilled. In that case instead of becoming adamant with him its better to use Win-Win technique. Give them options to choose and tell them that although their demand is unreasonable still you are giving them options to choose from. Instead of total loss or fight they will grab other option easily, as we always look for easy way out! 😊

 

     7. Make Congenial/pleasant/ enjoyable atmosphere at home.

We (I mean husband and wife or in-laws or grownups) argues with each other. That’s not at all bad, but what is bad is arguing on smallest of things. Or simply as I always say “Arguing for sake of Arguments”. Please refrain from arguing always with each other and especially when kids are around. No one is going to lose world war if you people don’t argue with each other. As its well-known fact is Kids are blank slates, they mimic their elders in all habits. So definitely they will argue till end and become stubborn if they see you people arguing. Let only one person talk and even you don’t agree with them let it go for the moment. You can resume your world war (Husband- wife or In-laws) fights later when alone. I am joking here better let it go the arguments, you will save a lot of your and your partner energy, also blood. 😊

 

     8.Rewards/ Reinforce Positive behavior.

 

Remember to reward kid if he behaves properly even when he is stubborn other time. These rewards need not to be very big. It can be as small as just praising his behavior. Always remember you should be lavish in praise and meagre in criticizing. 😊. Everyone loves praise and they always want to hear good things about them. So, this will lead to change their behavior slowly. If you need to criticize kid, do it in private (when only you two are together).

 

Thanks for reading my blog. Please feel free to share your inputs through messages as together we can make great ideas. Also, I am always eager to learn new ideas.